Yes, everybody who knows me will tell you in an instant that I'm the quiet one of the family. Hardly talk or participate during conversations. I can't help it. Life has shifted and shaped me into what I am today and the only way I can really blossom is when I have pen and paper within my hands.
After fourteen years of marriage and being with my partner, still sometimes when we have a fight about something stupid, I'll grab my pen and paper and write him a letter of exactly what I think or feel at that given moment. He by now knows how I tick and will reply via paper and at the end its those last few words on our letters to one another which stands out the most no matter how angry we are with one another...I still love you, even though I am raving mad at you right now.
Growing up in a broken family where divorce was the new next best thing on the block, I've had quite an insight to how partners felt about one another and due to irreconcilable differences, their paths drift away from one another.
But the question I always had in the back of my mind was, What if you were in a marriage where you weren't sure if you fit or not? What if everything was perfect and your partner loved you, yet you had this uneasy sensation deep within your gut that something is not right? How do let a person go when you still love them, but not the way they love you? How do you break a person's heart who has given you everything, to set yourself free?
Then of course their is this thing called temptation which always seems to get in the way.
Lea Finley’s daily routine begins with meditation. Today, though, she cannot focus. There’s something blocking her efforts.
She and Connor have been married for five years. Though she might not have the perfect marriage, her life seems peaceful. To prioritize her head, she decides to go on a short trip. Lea is a strong believer in living your passions. She paints for a living and believes strongly in her spirituality.
But when she meets Bill Hammington, confusion hits her between the eyes. Lea is on an emotional rollercoaster. She is drawn to Bill, but at the same time she battles with guilt over Connor. After all, Lea is not ‘that kind of a woman.’ She does not believe in cheating.
Through all darkness and turmoil, there is beauty, love, forgiveness, and laughter.
I wake up lying on grass. The sky is clear and I smell the fresh scent of grass and flowers. I sit up straight observing fields of green pastures and different colors of roses. All the colors you can imagine. It is breathtakingly beautiful. I come to my feet and start walking when I notice a small gravel road and I head towards it. I’m so relaxed and at peace, confident this moment will last forever.
Suddenly the wind blows fiercely. The grass dies, the roses turn into black weeds, and the skies become a blanket of dark gray clouds. I’m scared being here alone and not knowing if some storm is going to swallow me alive or spit me out dead on the other side. I’m running towards the gravel road when I notice a figure in the distance. As I draw nearer, I see Connor. I’m shocked and mortified by his expressionless face.
“Connor! Connor! I’m here. I’m so sorry. Please, I am so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. Please, if you can find it in your heart one day to forgive me, please.”
Why is he ignoring me? Halting in front of him, out of breath, I notice he looks straight into my eyes, his whole body evaporating like smoke into the air. When I try to touch him, I feel nothing. It’s as if trying to catch the wind with your bare hands. He is transparent, but yet I can see him. I don’t understand. What is going on?
In the distance, a rose stands out as red as blood. It’s so beautiful. I run towards it and an image of Bill’s face appear in the petals. I wanted to touch the rose only to get rid of this emptiness I have inside me, but as I touch the rose, it shatters like a million pieces of glass. Alone in the dark and icy stormy weather I drop to the ground and cry until I cannot cry anymore. Soft whispering sobs escape my mouth. “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry-”